Not Yet - Part 1
Trust the Journey Series
When I had been teacher all of three years, I began to feel a call towards school leadership. I talked it over with my husband and jumped into graduate school to work on my Masters Degree. It took three years to earn that degree having one baby during that process and expecting another as I walked across the stage in December of 2005. I was armed with the paperwork I needed, six years of teaching experience, and an eagerness to move into some kind of leadership role - but paused to spend the next school year at home with my two young children. This is when I heard the first "not yet," which was my choosing - and have never regretted it.
2007 - Shortly after returning to work, I was anxious to show that I was ready. I spoke with my administration about my future at our school. I held many leadership roles including grade level chair, sponsors of several clubs and teams, and a willingness to serve in any capacity. I was the go-to when the administration was not available. I mentored new teachers and supervised college methods students. I sat on every committee on campus. My students were successful and showed growth year after year. I worked well with colleagues and parents. When I was told that I may not be the right fit, I was shocked and devastated. My heart was broken by the people that I felt that I served well. "Not yet."
I poured all my energy into my students, but argued with the administration frequently. I became bitter towards them - and would tell anyone who would listen how angry I was. I became a cancer on my campus. I am not proud of this, but it is important to share. I began looking for a new career.
2008 - Before changing courses entirely, I decided to try a new school where they may appreciate me more. I had a lot to offer, and I knew it. I chose a school where I knew the principal and knew he would trust me. He made no promises about the future, but was very encouraging and aware of my potential. I began interviewing for positions across our district - and was told "no" repeatedly. Several more "not yets".
I reached out to a good friend about my frustrations and she responded with the most profound words that I needed to hear... "Moses wandered around in the desert for 40 years on his quest for what God had for him. This prayer will be answered in His time." 40 years!!!???
40 years. I began to really think about this - and for the first time began looking at what HE had for me, not what I wanted. I refocused on the children in front of me. I made them my priority daily rather than my ambition. I also began digging into my Bible more to learn about what leadership looked like from His perspective. And, for the first time, I realized my pride was my problem.
I was so focused on myself and what I had to offer other people. I felt ignored and passed over - and very unappreciated. I was dwelling primarily on what was not happening for me. I was not fun to be around. I was frustrated and consumed with my own thoughts - I was all about me. That is never healthy.
I knew it was time to reset my focus. I had to begin trusting His journey for my life. If I was meant to teach in a classroom for the rest of my career, I had to be okay with this (teachers, I will never forget how difficult the classroom is, even though I loved - and still love - teaching). I began to pray. Often. I continued to pursue opportunities, but I did not let those potential opportunities consume my thoughts and emotions. I reset my professional focus on my students and on my spiritual growth.
I became more patient - and I committed to trusting the journey. And, then... another "not yet".
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